When Your Ego Wins, You Actually Lose
“When you lose your ego, you win. It really is that simple,” so alluded Shannon Alder. Conversely, in the words of another writer, “When the ego wins – you lose.” To Arshi Gupta, “Ego has and always will be one of the main reasons for the downfall of human beings. The only thing we can do is to try and control our own respective egos and to not let them rule our heads.” Let’s reflect on ego-centred victory as a destructive victory.
Do you know that any victory that satisfies your ego is actually a loss? As exhilarating as it may feel, the pursuit of victory for the sake of satisfying your ego is a sure pathway to self-destruction, if not immediately, then certainly later – directly or indirectly. Such victory is typically divisive, self-centred, and short-lived. As a source noted, “At all costs, we try to defend our rather vulnerable and fragile self concept. Above all else, the ego fears its disintegration and therefore works tirelessly to build strong defences that maintain its integrity in the face of ‘the other’. ‘The other’, of course, is any other person or external event that presents a threat to its stability.” According to Gupta, “The ego always strives to be constantly right, always wants to be superior… constantly aims to achieve power and control over others, never stopping to consider who they are affecting or even hurting.” A source shared an experience: “I have witnessed the lengths that a dysfunctional ego can go to in order to preserve its self concept; even in the face of significant negative consequences for the individual, their colleagues and probably their organisation.”
So, enhance your capacity to tame your ego. Know, as a source observed, that “Setting the ego aside is no small task.” However, the demands of the emerging society call for exactly that. Let your current desire be for greater levels of engagement, empowerment, and purpose in the immediate society, alongside the need to rebuild trust and collaboration in the global society. The implication is that a new way of leading is essential for your long-term well-being and societal good. Be alert, as Gupta shared, that “Ego has the ability to make you focus on those aspects of the physical world that actually have intolerance towards peace, harmony and happiness” and so may make you unconsciously manifest deterrence to progress while claiming ego-centred victory as the evidence that you’re “right.” Therefore, treat anything that massages your ego as an adversary to you and the society.
As you step out, consciously reject any fight to assuage your ego. Be alert of Buddha’s note: “In a war of ego, the loser always wins.” Never forget, as Anshula Rao declared, “It is indeed a strong person with less ego who is able to walk out of an argument and not into it.”
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Prof. (Engr.) Esang Esitikot is a professor of occupational health and safety, a COREN-registed chemical engineer, public affairs analyst, certified management consultant, World Safety Organization Ambassador, recognized Environmental Ambassador, marriage counsellor, youth mentor, reviewer for some international research journals and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He is a manager in the oil and gas industry and was recognized by Highstone Global University, USA as the occupational health and safety personality of 2024. He can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only) or email (esitikot@gmail.com).
