Learn to Say “No.”
“It’s OK to have boundaries. You can tell someone ‘No’ without having bad feelings toward them. You also never need to explain your boundaries once laid. A wise friend often states that ‘No’ is a complete sentence.” These were the words of Mat Auryn. To Vikram Verma, “Saying ‘No’ is a skill; when and how to say ‘No’ is an art.” Let’s reflect on saying “No” as a mitigation for emotional weakness.
Do you know that saying “No” is one of the most effective means of dealing with emotional weaknesses? Do you often give to people but regret shortly after feeling you shouldn’t though you don’t know how to go about it? Do you find it difficult to say “No” to requests or feel doing so is wrong, would hurt someone or make someone perceive you as unkind? Do you prefer to do what pleases others but displeases you, and yet you can’t express how you feel? If you answered “Yes” to any of these or similar questions, you may be having an emotional challenge that may be pulling you backwards. As Rosie Blythe noted, “Whether they’re family or friends, manipulators are difficult to escape from. Give in to their demands, and they’ll be happy enough, but if you develop a spine and start saying ‘No,’ it will inevitably bring a fresh round of head games and emotional blackmail. You’ll notice that breaking free from someone else’s dominance will often result in them accusing you of being selfish. Yes, you’re selfish because you’ve stopped doing what they want you to do for them.” Rather than burn yourself, feel bitter and angry at actions you take to please others, hold yourself responsible for your inability to deal with your emotions.
So, enhance your capacity to say “No” without feeling guilty. As Mitta Xinindlu advised, “Take note of how people treat you after you say ‘No’ to their demands.” That can be an indication of who the person really is and who the person takes you to be. It may also be a revealer of the person’s true identity. To deal with your emotional challenge, learn to say “No” before saying “Yes.” Listen to a source: “To learn to say ‘No’ without feeling guilty, focus on setting clear boundaries based on your priorities, being honest and direct with your reasons, using ‘I’ statements, and recognizing that taking care of yourself by saying ‘No’ is not selfish but necessary for your well-being. When appropriate, offer alternative solutions or explain your limitations concisely.” Train yourself to deal with people based on rational reasoning rather than emotion and learn to differentiate between sacrifice and doing things based on the heat of the moment or emotion.
As you step out, be conscious that you can hardly make good progress in life if you don’t define boundaries. Reject the temptation to embark on any action to avoid emotional blackmail or assuage your emotion. If you’re weak emotionally, then learn to say “No” to people before saying “Yes.”
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Prof. (Engr.) Esang Esitikot is a professor of occupational health and safety, a COREN-registed chemical engineer, public affairs analyst, certified management consultant, World Safety Organization Ambassador, recognized Environmental Ambassador, marriage counsellor, youth mentor, reviewer for some international research journals and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He is a manager in the oil and gas industry and was recognized by Highstone Global University, USA as the occupational health and safety personality of 2024. He can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only) or email (esitikot@gmail.com).
