Lessons from My Marital Experience – Surrender is the Most Powerful Victory.
3 min read
“This is the paradox: victory comes through surrender. Surrender doesn’t weaken you; it strengthens you…” So declared Rick Warren. To Jed McKenna, “Surrender is victory.” Let’s reflect on surrender as a manifestation of victory.
Do you know that most divorces and prolonged quarrels in marriages are due to partners who are right, insist on their rights, and are hardly ready to let go of the rights? Such persons focus on winning and are determined for victory at all costs. Unfortunately, some, controlled by pride press on even when they perceive the bitter consequences that lie ahead, while others give no thought to the true but ugly prize for their pursued “victory” until it’s too late.
Despite what the heat of the moment may tell you, there is wisdom in William Booth’s note: “The greatness of a man’s power is the measure of his surrender.” Your ability to recognize when to retreat, walk away, take responsibility for your misbehaviour, let go, swallow your pride, etc. is a strength, not a weakness. Your ability to value your relationship more than winning an argument is wisdom. Your willingness to apologize and draw your spouse closer even when people expect a show of force demonstrates your understanding of the marital institution. Your pursuit of victory for your relationship rather than victory for yourself displays excellent prioritisation.
So, enhance your capacity to recognize when to accept to lose to win, when to surrender to sing the song of victory, and when to accept to be weak to remain strong. As Greg Leviy would advise, don’t mistakenly equate surrender with defeat and sacrifice with annihilation. Remember Paul David’s note: “When we finally come to terms with the realization that the cost of continuing to fight is too great to deny the loss; when we get sick and tired of watching the devastation that surrounds us, we get to the point when it is more important to get right, than to be right. We surrender.” Be conscious of when to stop further arguments and tell your partner, “sorry.”
Be sensitive to recognize when to own your pride and accept that you are wrong. Know that doing such in no way reduces who you are but rather positions you and your relationship on a greater path.
As you step out, fight to put things right. However, remember when the right thing is not to be right but to surrender. When you feel surrendering is a sign of weakness, listen to Shonda Rhimes: “There is victory in surrender.”
- Prof. (Engr.) Esang Esitikot is a professor of occupational health and safety, a COREN-registered chemical engineer, public affairs analyst, certified management consultant, World Safety Organization Ambassador, recognized Environmental Ambassador, marriage counsellor, youth mentor, reviewer for some international research journals and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He is a manager in the oil and gas industry and was recognized by Highstone Global University, USA as the occupational health and safety personality of 2024. He can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only) or email (esitikot@gmail.com).