Focus on Being Sincere Rather Than Being Nice
3 min read
“Be sincere instead of being nice. Not everyone will like it, but those that truly care to be around you will respect it. The older you get, the more important that becomes,” so declared Matteo Talotta. In Phil Rosen’s words, “Character matters, and ‘nice’ isn’t part of it.” Let’s reflect on being sincere rather than being nice.
Do you know that being sincere and honest are qualities that can open great doors of opportunities for you? While the tendency may be for you to always want to be nice to people and to be seen as that “good guy,” the reality is that being nice should never take the place of being sincere. According to Phil Rosen, “You never want to be the person other people call ‘nice.’ It isn’t a compliment. It’s cheap and ordinary. Calling someone nice says nothing of someone’s character. It’s an empty thing you say about someone when you have nothing to say about them.” A challenge with being nice, as a trait, is that you may have to work diligently to get others to like you and that diligence may sometimes come at the expense of liking yourself, setting healthy boundaries, being firm and assertive or saying NO when you need to. In Aaron Gray’s words, “Being too nice is a masquerade that parades as virtue, yet behind the mask lies a countenance marred by the fear of confrontation, the dread of disapproval, the specter of conflict. It is a lullaby that lures one into the depths of self-compromise, where the currency of respect is devalued by the inflation of incessant pleasantness.”
So, enhance your capacity to be sincere despite odds with no fear of not being nice enough. Never allow the urge to appear nice make you act insincerely or dishonestly. Love people enough to be honest with them and be kind enough with people to be sincere. As Rosen observed, “Character is the stuff that keeps your spine upright under pressure and your head cool under duress. That’s the good stuff. When someone commends your resolve, or commitment to something, or how you make others feel when you are around — that’s what you want.” Be kind to people, however, never let your kindness degenerate to the level you refrain from saying what you need to say, as bluntly as is necessarily to convey the right message. Reject the temptation to subscribe to low self-esteem and give sincerity as the burnt offering on the altar of niceness.
As you step out, be conscious of Adam Grant’s note: “When people believe they have to be nice in order to give, they fail to set boundaries, rarely say no, and become pushovers, letting others walk all over them.” If tempted to prefer niceness to sincerity, remember the confession of an anonymous writer: “My biggest regrets in life are being too damn nice, apologizing when I didn’t do anything wrong, and making unworthy people a priority in my life.”
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Prof. (Engr.) Esang Esitikot is a professor of occupational health and safety, a COREN-registed chemical engineer, a public affairs analyst, marriage counsellor, youth mentor, reviewer for some international research journals and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He works for an international oil company and can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only).
