Entitlement Mentality, The Enemy of Gratitude

“You can not help people permanently by doing for them, what they could and should do for themselves,” so declared Abraham Lincoln. In Brené Brown’s words, “What separates privilege from entitlement is gratitude.” Let’s reflect on entitlement mentality as a catalyst for ingratitude.

Do you know that entitlement mentality has turned many into ingrates and contaminated the flavour of many relationships? As Chris Tiegreen noted, “Thankfulness is difficult to express when one starts with an attitude of entitlement.” Do you feel a friend or relative owes you a part of what you think he has? Are you under the bondage to meet the expectations of others because you think you’re obligated to them? Do you feel you have a right to certain benefits from someone you know or are related to or that the society owes you certain privileges? If your answer is Yes to any of these or similar questions, you may be a victim or proponent of entitlement mentality. The mentality confers on one the belief that one deserves special treatment or recognition for what one does not earn. Because entitlement mentality triggers a sense of “right to have,” it’s a sure catalyst for ingratitude. Entitled people, therefore, are difficult to satisfy and are generally as miserable as they try to make others.

So, reject the temptation for others to hold you responsible for the affairs of their life. Don’t think you can satisfy an entitled person. Once entitlement spirit is recognized, timely address it. If you’re an entitled person, take active steps to remedy the condition. Understand the difference between responsibility, rights, privileges and help. Recognize that relatives, friends and the society are not obligated to you. Test how you would feel if people expect from you what you expect from them.

Though you may not be able to change one’s personality, you need to learn how to deal with entitled people. Learn to say NO to anything you can not happily do. Avoid the temptation to try to please someone. Define clear boundaries and be consistent in your actions. Don’t hold yourself responsible for someone else’s expectations – do what you know is appropriate to do not necessarily what the entitled person expects from you. Avoid reinforcing one’s sense of entitlement. If an entitled person, for example, makes unwarranted requests, it might be better not to give in so as not to make him or her feel certain that the entitlement is justified.

As you step out, be conscious that while it’s excellent to make sacrifices, it’s abnormal to displease yourself to please someone who feels entitled to what he thinks you have. Don’t forget Steve Maraboli’s note: “When we replace a sense of service and gratitude with a sense of entitlement and expectation, we quickly see the demise of our relationships, society, and economy.”

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Dr. (Engr.) Esang Esitikot is a COREN-registed chemical engineer, an HSE professional, a public affairs analyst, marriage counsellor, youth mentor and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He works for an international oil company and can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only).