You Cannot Give What You Do Not Have

“You can’t give away what you don’t have. If you don’t have love for yourself, then you can’t be loving to others,” so alluded Wayne Dyer. In legal terms, “nemo dat rule,” has it  that the purchase of a possession from someone who has no ownership right to it also denies the purchaser any ownership title. Today, let’s reflect on the perspective that one cannot give what one does not have.

Do you know that what you give is a measure of what you have? Do you feel disappointed because what you get from someone is different from.what you expected? Are we conscious the person may not even have what you expect from him or her? As much as people expect things from you, the reality is that you can only give what you have – you cannot give what you don’t have. While you may get angry, disappointed or frustrated, someone you expect something from may not even understand why you act the way you do. The challenge is that, for example, you expect sound reasoning yet the person you dealing with may have dogmatism. You expect faithfulness yet the person has insincerity. You expect civility yet the person has violence. You expect truth yet the person’s pastime is deceit. The reality is that peope cannot give what they don’t have – they give you from the reservoir of what they have. He or she that is filled with violence can’t offer peace. He or she that “talks any how” can’t give courtesy. As Warren Buffett noted, “Honesty is a very expensive gift. Don’t expect it from cheap people.” He or she that is ignorant can’t give good direction.

So, in dealing with people, be prepared that what you get from them is what they have and can give. As Sabina Sidhu observed, when people respond positively to a negative situation, they have love within them to give away. They are not angry, frustrated or irritated because they are not exercising the negative energy inside them. All they have is positive energy to offer. But, as she noted also, “If they have resentment, anger, frustration building inside them, it is because of the negative energy that flows inside them. However, they can take ownership of their energy in responding to a situation, positively or negatively.” In Nicole Trahan’s words, “Each of us must not only recognize our gifts, but take care of them, nurture them and put them to use towards the purpose for which we were each created.” Know that what each person possesses and can give may be unrelated with the person’s physical look. So don’t feel disappointed when what one gives does not align with one’s appearance or your appraisal of the person.

As you step out, be conscious that people can only give you what they have.  Manage your expectations of people to avoid disappointment. Fill your reservoir with good water so you can offer clean water from it to people who come your way.  In your dealing with people, always remember, people can’t only give you what they have.

• Dr. (Engr.) Esang Esitikot is a COREN-registed chemical engineer, an HSE professional, a public affairs analyst, marriage counsellor, youth mentor and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He works for an international oil company and can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only).