What I said sounded so innocent, but My Love’s reaction showed a big disappointment in me. When I inquired why she reacted the way she did over a simple comment, she responded, “How I wish you saw the picture on your face when you were talking.” Maya Angelou shared her experience: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” Today, let’s reflect on minding how you say what you say to your spouse.
Do you know that how you communicate is as important as – and in some instances, more important than – what you communicate? According to a source, “Communication to a relationship is like what oxygen is to life.” While you may mostly focus on what you say during communication, the reality is that the way you say what you say is essential in passing your intended message and creating the right atmosphere in your relationship. Sometimes, how you say what you say may cause more fight than what you actually say. As Shannon Alder noted, “The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t being said.” That might have been why a source emphasized the need to pay full attention to what your partner is saying and try to understand their emotions. The source added the need to use “I” statements when expressing feelings and to try to see things from your partner’s perspective and understand his or her needs.
So, enhance your capacity to always say what you have to say in a way that will enable you to achieve your intended aim and trigger the right impression or feeling in your spouse. Learn from Treadmill Treats, who declared, “I want to be remembered by how I made others feel. I want to uplift others, I want people to see what I see when I look at them. Even when they can’t see it themselves or are still listening to others’ voices in their heads.” Be aware of your body language and facial expressions as they can convey more important messages than your words. Maintain a respectful and considerate tone when communicating. Consciously explore the way, time, tone, gestures, etc, that are suitable for the message you have. Are you a husband? Reject the temptation to apply parent-to-child communication approach when addressing your wife. Recognize your spouse is an adult, so explore her world of reasoning. Are you a wife? Desist from the enticement to use child-to-parent communication pattern when talking to your husband. Get to understand the issues at stake and work with your husband to identify the way to address any need you have.
As you step out today, don’t just talk to your spouse, be mindful of how you talk to him or her. Listen actively, understand your own feelings, mind nonverbal signs, focus on your tone, and be empathetic. Never forget that your spouse hears what you don’t say more than what you say. So, let what you don’t say agree with what you say.
Esitikot is a professor of occupational health and safety, a COREN-registered chemical engineer, public affairs analyst, certified management consultant, World Safety Organization Ambassador, recognized Environmental Ambassador, marriage counsellor, youth mentor, reviewer for some international research journals and volunteer lecturer at the Institute of Health, Safety, Security and Environment, University of Uyo. He is a manager in the oil and gas industry and was recognized by Highstone Global University, USA as the occupational health and safety personality of 2024. He can be contacted via 08035103559 (Whatsapp only) or email (esitikot@gmail.com).
